Ok, I was pretty tired last night and opted to go to bed early last night rather than coming down to my office to type up a blog. Again, yesterday was a good day as I was able to complete almost an hour of exercise and maintained about 2,100 calories consumed. When I went on the scale this morning I had lost another pound and a half, so now I am at 268.5. With another pound and a half I will have lost what I apparently put on during my conference in Philadelphia and over the holidays. These are small steps, but each one does make a difference.
Of course, my energy level is pretty high at the moment, which is not unusual when you are exercising regularly at a moderate pace. I love the way it feels and I always have when I begin a good, strenuous exercise routine. The issue is continuing to workout for a prolonged period of time because I inevitably lose focus and stop after a few weeks.
However, it will be different this time.
I am not relying to going to a gym that is across town. Doing that early in the morning would eventually become too difficult. Instead I am working out using at least 2 out of 3 Wii Workout Games every day. I am sure there is a lot of skepticism about how a video game can actually help you lose weight, but believe me, it is not an easy workout at all. My wife, who can run a 5K without breaking a sweat, went to use one of the games a couple of days ago and acknowledged how hard it is. I am always sore after each workout, but I know that I am working each muscle group very hard. It is easy to get down to my basement rather than a gym; and the workouts are fun, even if they are hard. As long as they continue to work, then I will continue to use them. I know it will be much easier for me to stay motivated and committed this way.
Also, today I planned on meeting my daughter for lunch at her school. I was told that lunch started at 11:30 am, but it was actually at 11:00. I was too late for that, but was told by the school that I could catch up with them for recess. So, I walked over to the playground to surprise her. She ran up to me and leaped into my arms and held me around the neck like she never wanted me to let go. Her smile and happiness carried me through the rest of the day. It was worth spending those 20 minutes with her and she never left my side as she introduced me to all of her friends and teachers.
I want more of those moments and more of those times when it is just my daughter and I. That bond between us is so strong and so wonderful and for me to let that go because of my selfishness and belief that I can overindulge without hesitation will devastate her. That is motivation enough for me. I can get out of bed and exercise 6 days of week - she is worth that and much, much more.
I was very happy with the food choices this week and although I can still feel and sense my old habits and I drove past at least a dozen places over the last two days that I used to eat at, I did not give in. It was a struggle, but I did maintain it.
Tomorrow I will take a break from working out and will let myself indulge a little, but I am going to continue following my rules and will not overdo it. Fridays were hard for me because this is usually when my weekend binging would start. However, we decided to have a Shabbos Dinner in our house, and I cooked the meal and it allowed me to stay away from my triggers and create healthy dishes. It was a very nice evening and both my wife and I commented on how we would love to make this a tradition for our kids.
One of many, I would hope.
Until tomorrow
Friday, December 4, 2009
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Another Day
And this post comes a little late tonight. There was a lot to do this morning as I wanted to be a little more active since my vacation is coming to an end. I did work out for over an hour this morning, and still maintaned both my diet and continued to document what I was eating in a food journal. I know that my mentality is beginning to change a little. As I was out and about this afternoon performing some errands, I did get hungry. Rather than pull over to one of the numerous fast food restaurants in the area, or sit down and have dinner someplace in which I was destined to get nothing healthy, I went to a place to get some Chicken Pho from a restaurant not far from where I was. It was delicious, but I concentrated on eating slowly and deliberately so that I would know when I was satisfied, not full. Once I got to that point, I had the rest packed up and gave it to my wife tomorrow for lunch. I was still able to make dinner tonight for the family to enjoy.
All in all, a healthy day. I feel good and certainly have more energy. Of course, it is easy to do this on a vacation. The really test comes next week once I start my new job, which is almost destined to be busy.
My son Gabriel kept patting my stomach this evening after I took him out of his bath. I told him he would not be able to do this forever; I promised him that it would go away! It is all about focusing on my rules.
And it is having some effect. I did weigh myself today.
Starting Weight (11/30/09): 272 lbs
Current Weight (12/2/09): 270 lbs
Net Loss: 2 lbs
Loss Needed To Achieve Goal: 98 lbs
Until tomorrow
All in all, a healthy day. I feel good and certainly have more energy. Of course, it is easy to do this on a vacation. The really test comes next week once I start my new job, which is almost destined to be busy.
My son Gabriel kept patting my stomach this evening after I took him out of his bath. I told him he would not be able to do this forever; I promised him that it would go away! It is all about focusing on my rules.
And it is having some effect. I did weigh myself today.
Starting Weight (11/30/09): 272 lbs
Current Weight (12/2/09): 270 lbs
Net Loss: 2 lbs
Loss Needed To Achieve Goal: 98 lbs
Until tomorrow
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
The Rules
So now I am beginning my second day of my odyssey. The first day did not go so badly; I exercised for over 90 minutes and was able to control my eating rather well. I stuck with food that I had at home, and made sure that I was focusing on healthier options. Of course, since I am home this week on vacation, this certainly does make things easier. The normal stress of work is not affecting me at all. However, I do believe that if I start making some good habits now, those will start to help me next week when I begin my new job.
I focused on eating eggs, oatmeal and juice for breakfast; followed by a sandwich with smoked salmon, avocado and goat cheese. I had a LaraBar and an orange as a snack, and then concluded the day by having some wasabi marinated salmon, miso soup and cucumber salad. I held off on any dessert, and I made sure I had eight glasses of water and at least 3 cups of tea.
All in all a good day. Yes, I did get hungry at one point but just ignored it until dinner was ready. I was tempted to go out for lunch, but withstood the temptation and just ate what was in the house. This morning, we passed by a Chick-Fil-A and I thought of getting something for breakfast, but opted not to. This is very difficult as I am really working to change a lot of ingrained behavior, but this is the only way I can actually be successful.
Which leads me to this point - the Rules. I have established some Rules for myself that I will follow every day to achieve my goals. As I stated earlier, I am not going to place myself on some sort of structured diet. I have tried many of those, and they have all failed. I am going to change my relationship with food - which begins with changing the way I live my life and handle myself. So, these rules become an essential part of this.
Without further adieu, they are as follows:
1. No more eating in my car - I have done this for years and it is always bad stuff. To break this chain, I must break this habit.
2. No more consumption of soda, diet or otherwise - soda is not healthy at all, and when I drank a Diet Coke, it was always a justification to eat something terrible. From now on, it needs to be water, tea or juice.
3. No more Fast Food - this is going to be hard, because it is all around me, and I still indulge my kids every so often. But this has to change - there are no healthy options here.
4. Do not swear off indulgences forever - this would be impossible. I cannot sit here and tell you that I will never have another cheeseburger for the rest of my life. But I need to limit those indulgences to one day, and to be honest, to really limit them to one meal. If I exercise regularly and eat well then this will not really hurt me. But, I need to ensure that I maintain that exercise and eating regimen, otherwise I cannot and will not indulge at all. Even if I choose to indulge, fast food is still a no-no.
4. Stay off the sugar - desserts should not be part of my diet at all, and if I choose to indulge, then I must look for the items that are lower in sugar that others. Continually eating foods high in sugar will kill me faster than anything else.
5. Cook - I have been cooking since I was 12 and I love it. There is no reason or excuse not to do it. I am just going to have to plan ahead so that I am not caught up in a time crunch.
6. Don't Buy More Than You Need - I hate wasting food, and we do a lot of it. I am going to focus on buying only what I need for the week and stocking up when I have coupons or items are on sale. I will use all of the vegetables I buy during the week. This means that I am actually eating them rather than discarding them.
7. Exercise Six Times A Week - If I don't, then this is all for not. I have a Wii Fit and Several Exercise Games. I also have a Gym Membership. There is no excuse. If I have to get up early, than so be it. I can find the time and I must do this. There are so many positive effect to exercise that this really is a no brainer.
8. Find Calming Routines in the Morning and Evening - These are the two biggest stress moments for me; I need to develop routines that reduce the stress and anxiety and do not cause me to overeat or snack incessantly later.
9. Look at Your Children Everyday - They are my heart and everytime I think of slipping I need to look at both of them and ask if it is worth it. Every failed moment is once closer to making them both orphans.
10.Look at Your Wife Everyday - Do you want her to be a widow? Would she ever forgive you for that? She is the biggest part of your life and you OWE her this. Don't forget it.
These seem like simple rules, but it will be harder than you think. However, I need to be determined, committed and focused. I have done it before, I can do it again, and this time for good.
Until tomorrow.
I focused on eating eggs, oatmeal and juice for breakfast; followed by a sandwich with smoked salmon, avocado and goat cheese. I had a LaraBar and an orange as a snack, and then concluded the day by having some wasabi marinated salmon, miso soup and cucumber salad. I held off on any dessert, and I made sure I had eight glasses of water and at least 3 cups of tea.
All in all a good day. Yes, I did get hungry at one point but just ignored it until dinner was ready. I was tempted to go out for lunch, but withstood the temptation and just ate what was in the house. This morning, we passed by a Chick-Fil-A and I thought of getting something for breakfast, but opted not to. This is very difficult as I am really working to change a lot of ingrained behavior, but this is the only way I can actually be successful.
Which leads me to this point - the Rules. I have established some Rules for myself that I will follow every day to achieve my goals. As I stated earlier, I am not going to place myself on some sort of structured diet. I have tried many of those, and they have all failed. I am going to change my relationship with food - which begins with changing the way I live my life and handle myself. So, these rules become an essential part of this.
Without further adieu, they are as follows:
1. No more eating in my car - I have done this for years and it is always bad stuff. To break this chain, I must break this habit.
2. No more consumption of soda, diet or otherwise - soda is not healthy at all, and when I drank a Diet Coke, it was always a justification to eat something terrible. From now on, it needs to be water, tea or juice.
3. No more Fast Food - this is going to be hard, because it is all around me, and I still indulge my kids every so often. But this has to change - there are no healthy options here.
4. Do not swear off indulgences forever - this would be impossible. I cannot sit here and tell you that I will never have another cheeseburger for the rest of my life. But I need to limit those indulgences to one day, and to be honest, to really limit them to one meal. If I exercise regularly and eat well then this will not really hurt me. But, I need to ensure that I maintain that exercise and eating regimen, otherwise I cannot and will not indulge at all. Even if I choose to indulge, fast food is still a no-no.
4. Stay off the sugar - desserts should not be part of my diet at all, and if I choose to indulge, then I must look for the items that are lower in sugar that others. Continually eating foods high in sugar will kill me faster than anything else.
5. Cook - I have been cooking since I was 12 and I love it. There is no reason or excuse not to do it. I am just going to have to plan ahead so that I am not caught up in a time crunch.
6. Don't Buy More Than You Need - I hate wasting food, and we do a lot of it. I am going to focus on buying only what I need for the week and stocking up when I have coupons or items are on sale. I will use all of the vegetables I buy during the week. This means that I am actually eating them rather than discarding them.
7. Exercise Six Times A Week - If I don't, then this is all for not. I have a Wii Fit and Several Exercise Games. I also have a Gym Membership. There is no excuse. If I have to get up early, than so be it. I can find the time and I must do this. There are so many positive effect to exercise that this really is a no brainer.
8. Find Calming Routines in the Morning and Evening - These are the two biggest stress moments for me; I need to develop routines that reduce the stress and anxiety and do not cause me to overeat or snack incessantly later.
9. Look at Your Children Everyday - They are my heart and everytime I think of slipping I need to look at both of them and ask if it is worth it. Every failed moment is once closer to making them both orphans.
10.Look at Your Wife Everyday - Do you want her to be a widow? Would she ever forgive you for that? She is the biggest part of your life and you OWE her this. Don't forget it.
These seem like simple rules, but it will be harder than you think. However, I need to be determined, committed and focused. I have done it before, I can do it again, and this time for good.
Until tomorrow.
Monday, November 30, 2009
My Beginning
I am not sure where the initial realization came from, or where exactly the moment came when I knew that something needed to change. Perhaps it was at a conference in Philadelphia that I recently came back from. I was in my hotel room and was too tired to go out for dinner, so I went ahead an ordered room service. I was on an expense account, so I really did not pay attention to the price. I ordered a serving of Buffalo Wings, an order of Cheesburger Sliders, an order of Fish and Chips and Red Velvet Cake for Dessert.
And I ate all of it within half an hour.
I knew something was wrong. No one person should eat that much food for any reason. I unfortunately realized that I have been eating this way for a long period of time -- too long to be honest -- without any regard for my health, my family or anyone else. I wanted and needed immediate gratification, and food provided that fix. I could blame it on a number of things - strees, anxiety, family history (I come from a family of eaters), or a host of other excuses. But that is exactly what they are - excuses. There is no reason to eat like this and destroy your body - especially at my age. I could do a number of things differently to change my life, but I haven't. I have been in denial and have avoided the problem for far too long. I have started a number of diets and exercise regimens and have given them all up. It has gotten to the point that my wife does not believe I'll ever lose the weight, and who can blame her.
But, it needs to stop. My six year old daughter, Arianna, told me a few weeks ago that if I died she would be very sad. She always wanted me to be with her. After I put her to bed I went into the bathroom and wept. I don't want to die either - I want to see my children grow up. I want to walk Arianna down the aisle and give a toast to Gabriel at his wedding. I want to grow old with my wife, Yael, and retire to San Francisco like we have always dreamed. I am never going to get there at this point. I'll be lucky to hit 45.
Today was the day I told myself I was going to change this. I was going to go on some prefabricated diet. I was going to change my relationship with food and stop using it as a crutch. I was going to make better choices and use my love of cooking to make better and healthier meals. I was going to exercise regularly - even if it meant getting up at 5:00 am just to get an hour in.
I was going to stop making excuses, and stop lying, and stop living in denial. Every choice I make from this point on will affect those that I love the most. I reminded myself this morning that I need to do this for them, as much as for me. I cannot leave my wife a widow with two kids - she will hate me forever. I don't want to leave my kids without a father - I have seen what that does to people. This needs to change - right now and not a moment too soon.
To assist me, I am keeping an electronic food journal; dedicating myself to at least 60 minutes of exercise a day; keeping a blog so I can indulge my love of writing and get my feelings out instead of internalizing them; and learning to use other means to deal with stress and anxiety.
I used to smoke a long time ago, and I came to the same realization some time ago. I managed to quit on my own and have been off cigarettes for almost 15 years. I know that I can do this if I just focus.
My weigh-in today was 272 pounds. I have never been this heavy in my life. I was the tall, skinny guy in high school, and that seems like an eternity ago. My goal is to shed 100 pounds by December 1 of next year. I should gain back, I hope, the health that I have lost by becoming this big.
Wish me luck.
And I ate all of it within half an hour.
I knew something was wrong. No one person should eat that much food for any reason. I unfortunately realized that I have been eating this way for a long period of time -- too long to be honest -- without any regard for my health, my family or anyone else. I wanted and needed immediate gratification, and food provided that fix. I could blame it on a number of things - strees, anxiety, family history (I come from a family of eaters), or a host of other excuses. But that is exactly what they are - excuses. There is no reason to eat like this and destroy your body - especially at my age. I could do a number of things differently to change my life, but I haven't. I have been in denial and have avoided the problem for far too long. I have started a number of diets and exercise regimens and have given them all up. It has gotten to the point that my wife does not believe I'll ever lose the weight, and who can blame her.
But, it needs to stop. My six year old daughter, Arianna, told me a few weeks ago that if I died she would be very sad. She always wanted me to be with her. After I put her to bed I went into the bathroom and wept. I don't want to die either - I want to see my children grow up. I want to walk Arianna down the aisle and give a toast to Gabriel at his wedding. I want to grow old with my wife, Yael, and retire to San Francisco like we have always dreamed. I am never going to get there at this point. I'll be lucky to hit 45.
Today was the day I told myself I was going to change this. I was going to go on some prefabricated diet. I was going to change my relationship with food and stop using it as a crutch. I was going to make better choices and use my love of cooking to make better and healthier meals. I was going to exercise regularly - even if it meant getting up at 5:00 am just to get an hour in.
I was going to stop making excuses, and stop lying, and stop living in denial. Every choice I make from this point on will affect those that I love the most. I reminded myself this morning that I need to do this for them, as much as for me. I cannot leave my wife a widow with two kids - she will hate me forever. I don't want to leave my kids without a father - I have seen what that does to people. This needs to change - right now and not a moment too soon.
To assist me, I am keeping an electronic food journal; dedicating myself to at least 60 minutes of exercise a day; keeping a blog so I can indulge my love of writing and get my feelings out instead of internalizing them; and learning to use other means to deal with stress and anxiety.
I used to smoke a long time ago, and I came to the same realization some time ago. I managed to quit on my own and have been off cigarettes for almost 15 years. I know that I can do this if I just focus.
My weigh-in today was 272 pounds. I have never been this heavy in my life. I was the tall, skinny guy in high school, and that seems like an eternity ago. My goal is to shed 100 pounds by December 1 of next year. I should gain back, I hope, the health that I have lost by becoming this big.
Wish me luck.
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